I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize