If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
