you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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