Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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