so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hippo gnu deer
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
