Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
