I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
