so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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