its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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