I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
