so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
4 words: hood of his car
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
