I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
