Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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