You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
