Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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