I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
