Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Soap is not a condiment
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
