If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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