Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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