Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
