It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
