whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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