I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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