just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
