hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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