In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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