Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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