it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
