This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
