i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
