we're chasing vodka with high fives
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
