i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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