I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
