That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
