So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
