I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So vagazzling was a success
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
