The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
