i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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