I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
