I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
