every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
