All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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