Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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