I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
