Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
