No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
