I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
