I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
