my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
