I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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