Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
