Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
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So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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