My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
