I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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