I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
