Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
