just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
