i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
