my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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