Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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