dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
