He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
