It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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