So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
