I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
